Highlights from The How of Happiness by Sonja Lyubomirsky
As a part of my reading assignments for a positive psychology coaching coach, I had to read Sonja Lyubomirsky's The How of Happiness. Below I’ve included the highlights from the book, which is a combination of my own underlined passages that resonated with me, the major points as identified by ChatGPT, and my final review of the combination.
The Foundations of Happiness
Lyubomirsky breaks happiness into three components:
Set Point (50%): This is the genetic baseline that determines how naturally happy we feel. While we can’t change this, we can influence the other factors.
Circumstances (10%): Life events, income, or where we live only account for a small portion of our happiness.
Intentional Activities (40%): This is where we have the most control—our actions, choices, and attitudes can significantly impact our happiness.
By focusing on that 40%, we can create lasting change.
What Makes Happier People Different?
Happier individuals tend to exhibit certain characteristics and behaviors:
They are more sociable, energetic, and cooperative.
They maintain stronger social bonds and richer networks of friends.
They are more resilient, creative, and productive.
They enjoy better physical health and stronger immune systems.
They are more likely to be married and stay married.
They earn more money and are better leaders and negotiators.
These traits don’t just happen—they are cultivated through intentional actions.
Myths About Happiness
Lyubomirsky dispels common myths that often lead us astray:
"Happiness must be found." It’s not about discovering happiness in external achievements but creating it internally.
"Happiness comes from changing circumstances." While relocations, marriages, or job changes may provide short-term boosts, they rarely lead to long-term happiness due to hedonic adaptation.
"You either have it or you don’t." Happiness is not fixed; it’s something you can develop through effort and practice.
Science-Backed Happiness Activities
The book outlines intentional activities proven to increase happiness. Here are the ones I found most impactful:
1. Express Gratitude
Gratitude enhances optimism, self-worth, and emotional resilience.
Studies show expressing gratitude weekly (rather than daily) keeps the practice fresh and meaningful.
Gratitude reduces negative emotions like bitterness and envy, strengthens relationships, and combats hedonic adaptation (the idea that we get used to things over time so they stop providing joy or that we need increased amounts of the same thing to get the same level of joy).
2. Cultivate Optimism
Optimism involves seeing challenges as opportunities rather than permanent failures.
Writing about a positive future can organize your thoughts and help you learn about yourself.
Optimistic people are better at handling risks and threats because they focus on what they can control.
3. Avoid Overthinking and Social Comparison
Overthinking fosters negativity, saps motivation, and worsens anxiety.
Happy people redirect their attention to engaging activities and avoid unfavorable comparisons.
Strategies like journaling, setting aside time for worrying, and asking “Will this matter in a year?” can help reduce rumination.
4. Practice Acts of Kindness
Helping others strengthens your sense of community and creates a ripple effect of goodwill.
Kindness fosters a positive view of others, reduces guilt, and enhances your awareness of your own good fortune.
5. Nurture Social Relationships
Having at least three close friends you can count on is crucial for well-being.
Building and maintaining relationships strengthens your sense of belonging and protects against loneliness.
6. Develop Coping Strategies
People who endure trauma often emerge with a renewed sense of purpose, improved relationships, and a deeper understanding of life.
Coping strategies like reframing challenges and seeking support can help you navigate adversity.
7. Learn to Forgive
Forgiveness doesn’t mean reconciliation or condoning bad behavior. It’s about freeing yourself from resentment.
Forgiving people experience less anger, depression, and anxiety, leading to greater peace of mind.
8. Increase Flow Experiences
Flow happens when you’re fully immersed in an activity that challenges your skills without overwhelming you. Regularly engaging in such activities enhances fulfillment.
9. Savor Life’s Joys
Take time to enjoy the present moment and reflect on positive experiences.
Savoring builds resilience and provides comfort during tough times.
10. Take Care of Your Body
Regular physical exercise improves mood, energy, and resilience.
Proper sleep, nutrition, and mindfulness practices also support overall well-being.
The Five Keys to Sustainable Happiness
Lyubomirsky highlights five principles for maintaining happiness over the long term:
Positive Emotions Create Upward Spirals
Experiencing joy broadens your perspective, builds resilience, and strengthens your social, intellectual, and physical skills.Optimal Timing and Variety
Change how and when you practice happiness activities to keep them fresh. For example, count your blessings at the end of a tough week or after a meaningful event.Social Support
Strong relationships provide encouragement and accountability, helping you stay committed to your goals.Motivation, Effort, and Commitment
Sustainable happiness requires consistent effort. Commit to practices like gratitude, optimism, or kindness for the long haul.Building Habits
Happiness activities should become part of your daily life. Over time, they’ll feel more natural and require less effort.
Final Thoughts
Happiness isn’t a destination or something that happens to us—it’s a choice we make every day. By focusing on intentional activities, nurturing relationships, and cultivating a positive mindset, we can create a life that feels joyful, meaningful, and worthwhile. As Lyubomirsky emphasizes, small, consistent actions lead to profound and lasting changes.
What will you do today to invest in your happiness?
